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1. Refuse to purchase insurance from companies that advertise by blimp.  Next time I see the Farmer’s Insurance dirigible, it’s the shoulder-mounted rocket launcher.  Ya hear GEICO?
2. Unsubscribe from e-mail Action Alerts cluttering inbox.  Stop eating dogs!  Occupy Lichtenstein!  Not before breakfast.
3. Treat gym workouts as business.  Shower, change, leave feeling cleaner than I arrived.
4. Stop scanning for shoplifters at drugstore.  Stop feeling like a security guard and acting like Neighborhood Watch.
5. Now that I’ve cut beef from diet, eliminate pork too.  Unlike certain friends, I’m not obsessed with bacon.  Purchase life forms raised with humane, sustainable methods.
6. Avoid overusing the word “Occupy” as in:  Occupy your life.
7. Continue fabulous child-free condition.
8. Don’t try to be perfect, unless having stroke is on 2013 to-do list.
9. Know the anagrams “lobster” and “bolster.”
10. Wear lipstick to bed. Bring sexy back.
11. Say no to multi-tasking.  Quit Facebook.
12. Remember where I put short-term memory.
13. Quit fantasizing about Amanda Knox.
14. Practice random and senseless acts of extroversion.
15. Accept that I won’t learn Punjabi and the voice in my head won’t learn English.

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